First, don’t panic - it’s important to realize that this experience is very common. Freshmen have been away from home for months without the support of friends and family, sometimes for the first time, and wanting to change colleges (or come home) is often a normal reaction to this separation.
As a parent, help your student get to the heart of the issue first before making any plans or decisions to ensure that transferring schools won’t just be a bandaid covering a bigger underlying (or unexpressed) issue. Before you have that conversation, here are some underlying factors which may be at work:
Social Media
We all know that social media posts can be rosier than real life and this is never more true than with college students. In the days before Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat, college students had little choice but to find their people at college because their connection to friends and family was limited to the occasional phone call or care package from home. Now, students often don’t disengage from their current social circle and this can hamper the process of establishing themselves in a new environment. Add to that the pictures of cozy, decorated dorm rooms, sorority rush photos and boomerang videos from the big game and students begin to wonder if others aren’t having a more fun and fulfilling experience. Cue the regret - the “Insta”-grass is always greener.
Lack of Confidence
The decision of where to go to college might have been the first major decision your student made on his/her own and that can bring with it regret, second-guessing and fear of making a mistake. The cost of college and the competitive stress of the application process only compounds the pressure around this important decision.
Lack of Preparation
A student may have made a college choice based on prestige, name brand, or a number of other factors but didn’t give much thought to what college would actually be about. Students are often shocked by how different college is from high school and how much responsibility they have to take on. Without the supportive scaffolding of high school, students often get behind in their work or are overwhelmed by the workload.
Mental Health
Transitions to college are hard; research shows that college students report feeling hopeless (23%), overwhelmed (17%), exhausted but not from physical activity (15%) and very lonely (22%) in the last 12 months. (Source: National College Health Assessment) The reality of what college really is can exacerbate pre-existing mental health issues or bring on new symptoms.
So, what can you do to help your student?
Listen.
Students need a safe place to vent and talk through their experience in order to process. Sometimes a thoughtful conversation will be enough to remind them of what they loved about the school they chose and the issue will be over.
Ask Questions.
This is a time-tested way to help someone address a thorny issue, especially for parents leery of influencing a student’s decision. Here are some questions to ask (and which often help to uncover the underlying issue):
How are you sleeping?
How are you and your roommate getting along?
What is going well at school?
What isn’t going as well as you’d like?
Are you getting enough exercise?
What are you doing for fun?
How is the food at school? Are you eating?
What do you like best about your experience so far?
What’s your long-term goal? Does transferring get you further toward that goal?
The answers you hear will guide you and your student to identifying problem areas and collaborating on possible solutions such a roommate change, a schedule adjustment, or in fact, a change of school.
Encourage in person contact with friends.
When students step back from social media and interact in real time, face-to-face, they often find that other students are also struggling with doubt, loneliness, regret and anxiety. Hearing others’ experiences will help your student see that he/she is not alone.
Review.
Hopefully, you and your student thoughtfully chose this college based on the best fit across a number of criteria. Revisiting those reasons for the choice will remind the student why the college is the right environment and encourage him/her to stick it out through the transition. Or, the student will realize his/her needs have changed and then use the new criteria to decide if a change is needed.
Seek professional help.
It can be helpful to have your student speak to a third party: a trusted friend, teacher, college counselor or pastor. If your student is experiencing anxiety or depression, encourage him/her to speak to a therapist or counselor. An independent educational consultant or college counselor can also guide your student toward available resources on the college campus to receive academic guidance, tutoring, and mental health support. Transitions can be challenging but there are professionals who specialize in guiding teens and young adults through these difficult passages.
Provide love and support.
Sometimes a wish to transfer is a call for connection. Your student needs to know you love and support them, no matter where he/she goes to college. This is a problem your student can solve and as a parent, your best role is to offer counsel and let he/she determine how to move forward.
Transfer or Bust
If your student still insists on transferring, keep these tips in mind for a successful transfer process:
Deadlines and timelines: The transfer application is very similar to the process your student just went through as a high school senior. Most schools have a transfer deadline in March so plan accordingly.
High School is over: The transfer process generally focuses on your student’s college experience, so grades in college will matter, not the high school transcript. Relationships with professors are key as well.
The Why is important: a successful transfer student should be able to articulate why he/she wants to make a change and how his/her experience at the new college will be different. Research is key.
Research, research, research: Transferring can mean that students will take longer to graduate, which translates into increased costs. Offset this with rigorous research so that your student ends up at the right school for him/her.
Not every college freshman makes the right choice of college out of the gate. But before making that leap to transfer, it’s important to investigate what your student is experiencing.
If you have questions or need help in knowing how to navigate a student wishing to transfer or any other college-related issue, contact College Made Clear at 707.974.4164 or at collegemadeclear@gmail.com.